My parents went up too the trailer around nine o'clock today ,
& I DIDNT GO :)

I'm staying at my cosins house this weekend , because i never go up the first weekend , its too much work and its also lisas birthday weekend, the only way i was gonna go up was if nikko came but he wasnt alowed because of mothers day .

I've been with nikko for over a month now and im still happy :)
We have are stupid little fights now and then because hes kind of a jealous person and that pisses me off ,

He doesn't really want me hanging out with alot of guys , but he can hang out with girls .... whatever i dont really care because im not JEALOUS .

*I think that its getting too hot outside ! :(
I feel like im gonna pass out .

I want nikko too come over after school for a bit but hes not aloud inside DARN IT , im gonna make a picnik or something maybe , I'm going to abi's house right after too school , too hang out for a bit and too get a few things :)

I havent written in this for awhile , oh well PEACE OUT ! (L)

Hey i broke up with brandon along time ago for being a DICK .
I'm now dating nikko (L)
and I've been with him for almost 3 weeks and i like him very much , we havent run into any big problems yet which is a good thing , and i have only been mad at nikko once :| Which is not alot :) (L)

I really hope my relationship with Nikko is gonna last because i just happen too actually like him alot , i could not see myself breaking up with him , Ah maybe thats just me ! '


One thing im scared of is falling into love , what if he doesn't love me back and ect .....

I know that normally the relationship you have when your a teenager isnt gonna be the one you marry. Im just not looking forward too the breakup , if that ever happens .


I love the way he makes me feel , its so amazing .

Like today i was so tired and then he called me at lunch and i got really exicted and hyper :)(L)
Maybe he just has that effect on me .

MARCH BREAK IS OVER.

Ah , I ended up dating brandon again , Hes going too college next year, and all only be in grade 11, hes only a year older than me though so i guess things arent all that bad. My parents dont really care that hes older than me, I guess thats a good thing.

& He came over yesterday because i called him from the skatepark because he lives near there.

& Then Bailey and Ryan got in a fight brandon was suppossed too drive everyone home, but Bailey got out of the car, and that started even more drama , her mom called me last night too see what happenned im wondering how in the world she got my number if Bailey wasnt even home , maybe Ryan gave it too her.

ANYWAYS !!!.
i'm hoping that josh isn't gonna be mad at me.

Skating is going to be cannelled for 2 months on FRIDAYS , after next week :( that sucks i guess all just goto heron park or some where else and then goto CENTINAL on Saterdays and Sundays :)

I was talking too Bailey on the phone last night till about 11:30 untill she told me i should probably goto sleep because i have school tomorrow. Shes fun too hang out with , i should do it more often ! :P:)

Baileys mom wants too get a restraining order against Ryan , just because she doesn't really like him , Well i guess when they are together they sort of get in trouble. Ryans like my bestfriend so it sucks that when im with her he cant come.

I REALLY HATE THE DRAMA .
IT LIKES TOO FOLLOW ME AROUND !!!!.

So here it goes,
I broke up with jesse but now im wondering if it was the right thing too do , because maybe just because his sister doesn't like me shouldn't mean that we shouldn't be able too work...
ohh well maybe i just screwed something good up , then again maybe it wasn't so good. Ah sometimes i dont understand life , March Break , Starts tomorrow at 3:00 :D YESS

I Can't Wait , I Need The Time Off School , I Need A Break , So Far I Have Nothing Really Planned I Wanna Goto A Hotel And Goto Some Parties .... Maybe Stay At My Cousins House , And Sleep Alot... Try And Keep MySelf Busy.

I Really Want Too Do Something Interesting Something All Remember For Awhile Or At Least Till Summer Make It Something I Will Remember , Because Whats The Point Of Having The Time Off , Unless Your Actually Doing Something.

Even If Its Studying Or Catching Up On Work , I Guess At Least Thats Something. Right?

* At This Moment I Wish That There Was A Button You Can Turn Off , When You Don't Want Too Like Someone Anymore... I Should INVENT That ...

* I'm Really Bored I Just Finished My Geography Test And Theres Nothing Really Too Do, I'm In The Langage Lab UpStairs :)

* & My brother started dating this girl , shes gonna be 16 , my brother is 13 years old and im not aloud too date someone thats 18 too me that does not make any sence , because 16-18 , is not a big differnce considering im going to be 17 this year ...

&&&

RULES RULES RULES .

I hate them ,
be home by dark.
in your room by eleven .
my little cousin doesn't have a bedtime and i do.
my parents just say,
there differnt than us
they disipline differnt.
I dont get how thats disipline like normally even on WEEKENDSS ?!?!?!?!?!?
& They wondering why i dont like to have sleepovers at my house.
Aha thats why i like too go out.

*& My parents always think that im up too something when most the time I'M NOT...
It's just that when im doing something im not supposed too I DONT GET CAUGHT.... NORMALLY :)(L)<3

Why does your past always come and bite you in the face.
I feel like maybe I'm getting close too someone and BOOM .
its always one thing or another i don't like you because you dated my sisters best friends boyfriend.
& It might not even be that he doesn't like me , but his sister doesn't want me too dare him
&
My fucking so called best friend goes and tells all my shit too them like what the frig , they called me knew a lot of things about me like really i don't find a need for it. I guess maybe i don't deserve anything , maybe i shouldn't have anyone too care about. I know I'm not that great looking and there like rubbing it in my face , making my ex boyfriend talk too me like i actually want too. There drunk there annoying I don't even know why i talked too them in the first place.


I guess they wanna wreck my relationship really if i wanted too i could probably be with someone else , but i wanted too be with him , every time i make my mind up , i get screwed over.

On the other hand I don't even know why i care , because those girls don't even know me , now i would NEVER go to jesses house , this isn't gonna last very long :(

I guess that maybe guys are not what i should focus on , but i like feeling like I'm needed and that someone likes me , I might be wrong i don't know, but like i don't even wanna write anymore, I'm really mad

I hate knowing that my friends are going through the same thing that i did .
I hate knowing that some of them are suicidal or they hate there life and don't ever think things will change ,
I try and tell them that things will change and they till me all believe it when it happens , I don't even think they want change and its hard for me too see that , because they are my friends , and i kinda know what they are going threw. but maybe i experienced it in a different way. Maybe this is why your teenage years are the worst ? Like if you don't have a boyfriend that doesn't make you ugly , maybe the guys are just afraid they will get rejected but no one ever thinks about it that way.

I'm not gonna wish that life is perfect , because then life would be really boring and you probably wouldnt learn from mistakes because you wouldn't make any. and then what would life be ?

Some times i really don't understand i wish that things could be different and i would sometimes i would wish i didnt do some things that i do , but i can't change them now , only in the future.

& I wish they would stop holding on too there past because sometimes that can be a bad thing .

Whatever there my friends and im not gonna hold anything against them.

BOOOMM <3

Alot of people are going swimming tonight , my brother won't go but i guess that isn't always a bad thing. Richard want's too take me out on Saterday , I guess all see if that ever happens. He already made it so i don't really wanna be with him whatever. Jesse T told me that he likes me that was kind of akward. Considering i dated someone with that name before.

<3

I can't belive the lies that brandon is telling his new girlfriend , I did this I did that.
& Aparently he dumped me because i started dating Ryan , doesn't that mean that i should have broke up with him , WHATEVER.

If i let him hurt me , its my own fault.


I hate that devin wont leave me alone sometimes , he bugs me so that i will tell him whats wrong with me , but there is nothing wrong with me like wtf.

Hey ,
I went to see a movie with Ryan and Jesse tonight.
The uninvited I thought that it was a good movie until the end when everything turned into a hallucination and her sister was killed in the fire , I think that she should have never been let out of rehab with all the things that she had been seeing.
whatever that's besides the point,

I'm going swimming with Ryan G , Matt B , Cody W , and Brandon M tomorrow. :)
After school so that should be fun .

Jesse T , gave me his cologne because I'm like in love with it :)(L)
It smells so good. :)(L)

I have a test tomorrow i should probably study , but i have too watch my show soon so all probably study after wards because i already studied for a bit today.

I really don't want to go to the assembly tomorrow , sounds kind of boring ,

I want too do the 10 hour famine at school , if they do it , then i can get 30 community hours

Heeeey,
Ryan G has a new girlfriend.
name colleen.
I'm not talking too Matt S anymore.
I have a crush on Matt B,
& a crush on Josh J ,
But sorta heartbroken at the same time.
My life is MESSED UP ! .

But i guess that i shouldn't be focusing on guys ,
i should be putting my focus on school.
but that's really hard at least for me.

& then on top of all that I'm SICK

whatever I'm going too get some sleep :)(L)<3

Todaay i went too the Scarborough Town Center.
with my brother too watch him skate bored
and because he payed me five dollars too go.

& then we ended up going skating.
with Matt, Cody and Jamie :)
it was pretty fun :)(L)

Then Jamie came back too my house and we had Jamie and hung out...
I'm really confused right now.
because my bestfriend kinda likes him
but I've liked him for about 4-5 years now.
but then i know we are bestfriends and nothing would ever happen...
I guess I'm going on about stuff that doesn't really even matter....

&&
Two of my friends are engaged which i kinda think is stupid because they are seventeen and eighteen , but i guess they might figure that out when they are suck with each other for life inless they get a divorce which would actually SUCK a lot.

At the moment I'm watching from G's Too Gents and then i am doing my Geo homework that i kinda sorta forgot about , or i might just do it at lunch tomorrow.
:) (L)


OHHH & I'm reading the Diary of a young girl , and its a interesting book so far

I'm bored and I'm probably gonna end up doing my homework shortly.
LMFAO .
At the moment i am rocking out too AARON CARTER :)(L)
I haven't heard him in the longest time.

YAY....
Jamie is gonna come over.

I think me and him and nikko might hang out over the weekend ,
but then again i wanna see Matt,
but i also wanna see JOSHH....
crap.
now i dont know what too do ,
anyways,
All write something later. <3

Heeeey :)
I'm in gle againn .
waiting for something else too do :P
I think jamie is coming over later :)
I did some sort of testing for a iep today...
I wanna switch schools my mom doesnt want me too intil,
she finds out if i actually need a iep,
my mom doesn't really want me too goto borden ,
but i dont really know why its her choice...
its my schooling not hers ,
she all ready graduated highschool.
but whatever, thats beside the point.

jamie thinks kaycee doesn't wanna date him because she likes another boy,
Ohhh boy is he wrong....
I'm not even gonna write why , because then the whole world could know ,
and he could possibly find out.....
or she could see how i posted about it... which would not be a good thing AT ALL...

& I was on facebook this morning and i got a honesty box message saying that APARENTLY im not a good friend ladedadeda , I wish i knew who actually sent that because ovs she doesn't know me , and that kinda made me just a little sad...

Why?

why does everyone want too bring me down
why does everyone want me too feel bad,
why cant anyone see the real me
why do i always have too prove myself
why why why ,
why do i write stupidness,
why do i date boys that i know will never work out.
why why why ,
maybe im just stupid,
i cant find any other answer.

Heeey ,
me and that boy brandon broke up ,
hes a loser,
he had too break up with me threw my brother ?
what a fudge cake....
& he had a girlfriend like 3 mins after...

maybe guys are not for me i don't know
i could get him back and date his cousin ,
but then again i don't wanna be a bitchh....
but i've already dated him , and he does want me back.... , but whatever i guess....
dating is just too complicated right now.

I should probably focus more on school and not on the guys.

BOOO !

Tomoorow is VALENTINES DAY .
and im SINGLE ONCE A AGAIN.
and BRANDON is such a asshole.
he dumped me the day before VALENTINES DAY
THEW MY FRIGGING BROTHER ....
LIKE WTF.
DOESNT EVEN TELL ME .

maybe the dating thing just isnt for me.
I guess there was a reason that i dumped him the first time.
WONDERING WHY I TOOK HIM BACKKK .....
wtf.

whatever i dont really wanna talk about it so
ttyl <3

Hey ,
so im sitting in learning staragies . and im really bored.
Im finished all my work so i decided to create a blog .
its thursday :)
we have a extra long weekend , friday saturday sunday and monday .
I'm not really happy today.
my boyfriend thinks that i need too complement him more and is like
bothering me about it.
and getting all mad.
but who is he too tell me that i need too complement him ?
that doesnt make much sence too me..
I wish that everything would just be okay and that ,
we wouldnt fight over stupid things.
but he just has too bring everything up .
I like him and everything but he thinks that i need too change.
im not going too change for ANYONE but myself
like really.
if he thinks that i need too change
why in the world is he with me.?
whatever ovs he cant see that im trying then he has problems.
and i really dont want too deal with him at this point.
we are supposed too go out on friday night,
but i made plans before i knew
and hes gonna give me shit.
he wants me too see FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH ,
and i really dont even want too watch that movie.
maybe all just hang out with matt durning the day and not go SKATING.
OHH AND WHEN DID THINKING A GUY WAS GOOD LOOKING BECOME CHEATING ?
its not .
so my boyfriend really needs too chill mann , like thats madd .
I could be with someone that doesnt give me shit,
hes lucky that i actually like him alot , and i want too make things worse if he was anyone else,
he would not be dating me anymore.
he told me that he doesnt wanna dump me , because he wants too change me and then maybe i would be a better person .... , like really i dont need that , i dont need someone in my life like that....
RIGHT NOW ,
i dont even know what too do , so many things are on my mind. VALENTINES DAY is in like 2 days , and im not even spending it with him , as of now , he wants too come over later and i really dont want him too , because i dont wanna fight with him AGAIN .... and him too come up with more reasons why i need too change. but whatever i wanna goto the movies with some friends on VALENTINES DAY , so i guess hes actually out of luck.... :S
I really think i just wanna be away from him for awhile,
i just got back together with him , and already so much DRAMA :(
that i dont need and dont want.
whatever thats it for now,
ttyl <3


& THEN ,
me and my bestfriend are kinda not talking which is making me just a little sad :( she thinks i lied too her , but i would NEVER lie too a friend i was sick and i went skating because my mom said that i could , but my mom also said that i couldnt have her sleepover because of that i was sick and shes complaining either saying i should of let her sleepover or i should have not gone skating and she is trying too say that i was never sick , like wtf..


& THEN me and my other BESTFRIEND , just got out of a fight because of that person .... but i guess he figured out that FRIENDS are alot better than girls , and i will always be there and she probably wont be. unless they get married and live happly ever after...


& THEN the day after i started dating BRANDON , this guy named MATT told me that he liked me i guess thats not a good thing but i was starting too like him a little too , which kinda sucks now because i have a boyfriend now, but maybe not for long , if he keeps up what he is doing .


& TODAY IS FREE HUG DAY :)
I'm wearing a sign im getting so much HUGS
some dude huged me and talked too me
but he hasent said anything too me in two years , :)
so im pretty happy at the moment :) (L)

kaaay anyways .
I'm really hoping that

HATE .

I hate you,
not because you hate me.
but for all the things you said too me.
all the times i was there ,
and you didn't seem too care.
when you needed a friend,
i came
and all you said was
go away ,
thats why i hate you.

A Random Poemm ... <3

the jocks throw rocks at her ,
the anerexic sluts just laugh ,
shes teased in science p.e and even health class,
after a normal day of teasing she runs home in tears ,
she runs upstairs and slams her door,
she gets her bright red lipstick
and puts it on

she gets her long black skirt

and begins to rip

she saw a sharp pointy blade in the corner

of her eye.

she slashed her wrists and just wished she didnt die.

in the morning her parents found her

just lying there

the cuts in her wrists

read

Am i pretty enough yet ?